I came across a discussion on how to “deal with” a woman who wears revealing clothes in an office with no stated dress code.
The discussion runs into some 24 pages with not a single HR professional seeing the woman as anything less than a problem to be dealt with and lengthy ways of dealing with it ranging from firing her to emailing a dress code to all staff, etc.
What I see happening, is that the entire community needs to immediately get this woman into the “acceptable” (for them) one way or the other. Few people bothered to ask if this woman is indeed productive, collaborative and otherwise functional.
Not a single person expressed acceptance for this girl.
If this is the state of HR, how to we expect employees to respect women beyond their looks?
I see an unconscious process in this community, which I suspect is also happening in our society. People just can’t get over their own jealousies or lust when faced with an attractive person to see the person as a whole. Somehow, they need to drag that person to an “ordinary” level. What that person feels doesn’t matter, because they are not even looking at her feelings here.
Whatever happened to HR being available for all employees and not just the ones they choose to support? If the position is to be used as ammunition to defend what we like and attack what we don’t, it is no surprise that one of the members stated “But some time HR have to be rude , thats a reason why 75 % employee are
not happy with their HR [ Because we force them to behave in a
particular way ].”
Like I posted there, no one HAS TO be rude. Rudeness happens on its own, when we stop caring about and respecting the person we are speaking with.
People are not idiots. They can sense when a person doesn’t care about them, but still disapproves of them and has rules they should obey. Really, do you like people who don’t care about you, but know what is right for you?
The sad part of this is that it seems to be an accepted part of being HR. How can an HR department be functional, if the H of it doesn’t like them? Yet, advice seems to be that to not worry about being rude and “just deal with the woman”.
I’d like to share my posts there over here:
Hi,
Even though your organization has no stated norms about clothes, from
your post, there seems to be an unsaid norm about the same, or you (and
others) wouldn’t be bothered by what she wears.No one in the office (including that girl) is fool enough to believe
that an email sent to all on this subject really applies to all, if
that new girl is such a sensation, and it would only serve as a public
reprimand that came out of the blue, and thus humiliating for her.
Plus, if you mean it for her, why pretend its for all?If I were in your place, I would go about things like thus.
First, I would meet with the girl privately. I would explain the dilemma I was caught in. On one hand, I respect her individuality and choice to wear whatever she thinks she should. On the other hand, as a person in HR, facilitating an atmosphere that’s conducive to harmony is my responsibility.
I would explain how I see the impact of her attire (without allocating ANY blame ANYWHERE):
- Women
staff show discomfort in her presence - this could and probably IS
leading to her being looked upon with envy or disapproval, and will
impact her working relationships in the office and impact productivity
negatively.- Men seem to be attracted. This could have an
impact in terms of being seen as too inviting by the opposite gender
and thus not taken seriously, which would again impact performance when
it came to the value of her contributions - would men be considering
her capability (would they even notice it amid the decoration)?This
would lead to working interactions based on a stereotype of her that
has nothing to do with how she actually works. That troubles me, both
for her, as well as the well being of us as a group. On a
personal level, I have little experience, and thus comfort with such
clothes, and I find it a little awkward (feel shy) and can’t get over
them to see her, as a whole person, which I would like to.I would ask her for help on this matter, as I would prefer it for
myself, for her and the group if personal clothing wouldn’t be a matter
for an official rule to be laid down.Then, if she agrees to help, I would simply trust her, and see what
happens for the next week or so. If she doesn’t agree, OR if she
doesn’t present herself suitably, I would call a staff meeting and
share that I had observed that there was an unsaid norm about clothes,
though there was none officially, and would explain how I see the
situation currently.I would explain my bottom line that we keep the norm, or it goes, I
couldn’t care less, but we make it clear what happens to it. So either
we throw away the norm, in which case I expect the members of the staff
to quit flaunting either their disapproval, or their drooling, or we could state it clearly and define what constituted appropriate clothing which everyone would be expected to follow.They KEY DIFFICULTY in this issue is not dealing with the girl, but
keeping our own value judgments away from our facilitation of the
situation. As an authority role, we are expected to be available to all, not just the ones on whose “side” we are. I say this specifically, because I sensed you being on the “side” of the women.The clothes are the woman’s responsibility, but the responses and reactions belong to all and not just her.
I am very concerned at the state of HR in
our community, where judgments are passed so easily, and there is no
sensitivity for the girl.I believe that as HR, we are available to all people and not just the ones we choose to support and attack the ones we don’t.
With recommendations of:
- “Shock
treatment” - are we not laying a role model for women to be looked as
objects in a derogatory manner? And why shouldn’t the girl sue you for
those comments - just because you’re in the mood to play Freud?- By
laying down rules for the entire staff, are we not imposing our sense
of “right and wrong” on them? What makes us so certain that everyone
indeed has an issue with what we see an issue with?- How many
people here have exhibited understanding and enabling support for the
girl? Is she not a member of the staff that you provide an HR function
to?Sensitivity and caring seems to be a value long lost
among members in their superiority and judgments on who is right and
wrong and power plays on how they should be “dealt with”Some pages back Shaival hit the nail on the head, without really understanding what she said “But
some time HR have to be rude , thats a reason why 75 % employee are not
happy with their HR [ Because we force them to behave in a particular
way ].”No one has to be rude. We become rude when we stop caring about the
person we are speaking with. Even if employees can’t state it as
clearly as this, they can sense it, and really, who likes someone who
doesn’t respect them? Do you? Do you like someone who doesn’t really
care about you, but claims to know what is best for you and then goes
ahead and imposes it on you? If 75% employees are not happy with their
HR, isn’t it high time HR used this feedback to re-create themselves to
be more functional?I’m sorry to say that I am utterly disgusted.
