Boss, wait!!! Why are you hitting him?
Posted on 2008 under Adventure as usual, Experiential learning, Social Awareness, State of matters, Thoughts |21 Jun
I don’t know if this can really be called road rage, but something happened today, that got me concerned about how we act….
I was travelling to Powai from Borivli in rickshaw for a session by Sankar on learning styles (that’s another post). I enjoy interacting with different people, and I was chatting happily with the rickshaw driver, when a motorcycle zipped past and overtook us from the wrong side. As the car in front of us slowed (for reasons unknown), the driver braked in panic, and this poor motorcycle guy was hit by our rickshaw.
I am not aware of the exact sequence of happenings, but it was abundantly clear that the guy lying flat on the road was suffering the consequences of his own “reckless driving”. The rickshaw driver and I got out of the rick as the guy struggled to disentangle himself from the bike. Thanks to the crawling pace of Mumbai’s traffic and the additional braking spree that happened just before he was hit, he was relatively unhurt except for a very bad scrape that was bellding quite heavily on his left forearm and the matching side of his trousers damaged beyond repair. I’d call it getting off scot free compared with what could have happened.
Seeing the guy bleeding, I stepped forward to see if I could help, but my driver reached him first, and it was then I realized that the two of us had come out for different reasons. The driver collared this biker and hauled him to his feet and was just about to beat him up, when I interrupted him.
“Boss roko!!! Ise maar kyun rahe ho?” I asked - Boss, wait!!! Why are you hitting him?
“Madam, aapne dekha nahi, kaisi gaadi chala raha tha? Accident kota to?” he replied - madam, didn’t you see how he was driving? What if there had been an accident?
“Accident to hua. Galati uski thi, par bhugat bhi wohi raha hai. AAP use kyon maar rahe ho? Use pehlehi chot lagi hai.” I said - The accident did happen. It was his fault, and he is suffering the consequences. You or your vehicle or passenger suffered no damage. Why are you hitting him? He is already injured.”
The driver stared at me in amazement. It was clear from his expression that he honestly had no clue why he was hitting the guy beyond that that “it was what was supposed to happen” - in Mumbai, mobs sometimes bash up the offender when reckless driving endangers lives. Worse, my tone with him was also not that of anger… which was the standard tone of the innocent party after an accident…. I was sounding merely curious. He had no clue how to proceed in such a situation.
The cowering biker who was mumbling “sorry…. sorry” looked at me in equal amazement. It didn’t really fit his framework of “public behaviour” to be shown concern when he had caused an accident. His entire body language spoke of the acceptance that he was going to be beaten up.
I stood there, wondering what was wrong with this world, if people don’t even need to have a reason to hit a person who is already injured. I could see how shaken the poor chap was, and didn’t see the point moving his attention from the magnitude of his consequences toward being defensive in some conflict. Plus, how would hitting him add any value to what was happening? He had experienced the consequences of rash driving first hand, and I doubt if he needed anything explained at that point. What he did need was first-aid.
Such incidents happen in our lives daily. Be it aggressive people in buses, or riots after taking offense. I really see no meaning to this behaviour, except a declaration of a total lack of caring for the people around us.
Once, I got into a train to get off at Borivli. It was a Virar train. For those unfamiliar with Mumbai, Virar is further than Borivli, has fewer trains which are invariably crowded, and their passengers tend to be hostile to passengers who could use more frequent trains using these unnecessarily. It being a holiday and all, I thought it wouldn’t matter, and the train seemed to have space. This is the ladies compartment.
As I neared the door when Borivli came closer, one of the women grabbed my arm and pulled me back roughly. I asked her to let go, and she returned abuse. Her point was that I need to be punished for using that train. Standard punishment is that the person is not allowed to get off the train until Borivli is crossed, which gives the offender an experience of the inconvenience of the train frequency and a fear/understanding of the situation for further reference.
I do respect and fully appreciate the difficulties these people go through, but I didn’t see how this mattered in a train with plenty of space on it (by Mumbai standards). When this woman tried to manhandle me, I broke out of her hold, and simply pushed her away from me. I look deceptively tiny, and this woman was a heavy weight, but I have a whole load of pushing experience from 7 years of grooming and working with horses. She was lighter than a horse, she moved very easily, which put her off getting physical with me, and she satisfied her “outrage” by screaming abuse at me for the next 5 minutes till I got off.
Other women around rolled their eyes and made faces - all regulars on the same train. This woman stood there sweating and looking so unreasonably angry that she looked insane. She refused to respond to anything I or the other women said and just spewed hatred. That’s how I remember her as the train pulled out of the station…… sweating, red in the face, screaming abuse, and dressed like a middle class conservative woman…. I just wondered how frustrating her life must be, if she needed strangers to vent on…. travelling for about 3-4 hours everyday just to reach work and back…… I couldn’t find anger in me for her…. I was concerned.
Where does this anger come from? Why do we care so little about the people in out world?

by Ravindra, on June 21 2008 @ 11:34 pm
You have a big heart Vidyut. When I read about that woman abusing you, even I felt angry with her. How can you have so much caring for people even when they hurt you?
You are amazing!
by Vidyut Kale, on June 21 2008 @ 11:56 pm
Thank you Ravi, you are generous with your appreciation. I was travelling once in a while, fresh as a daisy from home….. it was easy for me to be calm. Honestly, for much of the time, I was just watching in amazement.
The difficulty these women face everyday astounds me. I have met a few women on trains who begin their day at 4/5am cook meals, leave home and travel 2 hours or more to work, only to repeat the entire distance back, shop on the way back for groceries, get home, cook dinner, prepare for next day…. spare some time for kids and sleep… only to repeat this day after day.
Who wouldn’t feel concerned if they start behaving like that?
by Asylum, on June 22 2008 @ 1:12 pm
I agree with Ravindra. Vidyut, you’ve so much empathy & patience. I’m going to be a better person by reading this. See people in the wholeness of their lives and not as unidimensional enemies.
Their lives demand that they feel like machines too? I’d be angry if my life were like the woman’s; unfair & no hope for respite. Made more aware of it when i see people who take those things lightly which are really important to me.
by Vidyut Kale, on June 22 2008 @ 2:15 pm
Hi Asylum,
I’m glad this post touches you. Truly, I understand what you mean completely when you say you’d be angry if your life were like that. I’ve lived through some very rough times in life, but still, my life was my own. I can’t even comprehend what I would do if cirsumstances forced me into a situation like that. Survive, yes, sure. But how would I cope?
Vidyut