Footprints on the Mountainside

The difficulty I faced in my ALHP has helped me face some needs I have in terms of emotions and insecurities.

Coming back from the programme, it was easy to just let go and return to my old ways of vague, supressed dissatisfactions, but I’m surprising myself with my eagerness to actually deal with my needs and care for myself. I’m trying to be aware of the motivations behind my actions, and seeing patterns in my own behaviour.

Don’t know where this is taking me, but right now, it feels like I’m an onion, with layers and layers and layers. The inner layers also have a greater tendency to bring tears I’m meeting myself for the first time and I like it.

Relationships are very important to me - is a new discovery I’m making. I like to connect with people. Perhaps this is why, rather than have a business website, Wide Aware has this massive informal place with pictures and discussions and articles which will never ever sell anything. I want adventurers to feel comfortable here. I want to connect with people.

Another thing I’m discovering is that I am very fast, and I tend to make people feel pressurised when I expect them to cope at my speed. By fast, I’m not speaking of actions, but of thoughts. It tends to alienate people when I do that, because it makes them feel inferior. It hurts me too, because I want them with me. I am now consciously trying to take my time and be sure that I am actually communicating, rather than assuming that people understand because of familarity, and I find that it is helping me be more connected with them.

There are other things too. I tend to focus intensely on things and tune out all distractions, which makes me lose touch with other things that are happening. I’m trying to maintain regular awareness of things I care about.

That’s it folks for now. Thanks for bearing with this rambling session, but it feels good to admit it, and acknowledge that I am also doing something to make things better. Hopefully, Nirvana is round the corner. Its more likely to be new discoveries round the corner.

For those who don’t know, ISABS (Indian Society for Applied Behavioural Sciences) is a fantastic place for those inclined to dig deeper into their minds. My journey with ISABS began in August ‘06, when I did my Basic Lab in Human Processes or BLHP with them. This was now ALHP.

The T-groups are an unnerving experience the first time. No agenda, no nothing. Take each moment as it comes, and begin your own journey into yourself.

My BLHP was an insight. It went pretty easy, considering that I’ve got lots I hide. Apparently I was pretty transparent as well. Not so this time.

As I explored my emotions and motivations deeper, I was faced with the full wonder of what makes ISABS so great. Everyone I was with was here to face themselves, and the laboratory was indeed a laboratory, where I could examine myself and the people I was with to my hearts content, express what I was going through, and trust that we all were on the same boat.

Admitting our nicer emotions is easy, and it came easily to me, but facing areas of myself, that were not so nice, was not just difficult, but I have a feeling that I wouldn’t have been able to ever see myself from so close, if it weren’t for the “safety” of our group. This gave me an opportunity to see myself far more clearly, and examine my needs and motivations behind the parts of me that I found appealing, so that I could actually address them and experiment with the options I had, in the supportive environment of my group.

For those who have no clue on what this is all about, I can only say that there is no real way to describe it. There is so much that goes on inside us, and on levels that are emotional and non-verbal, that it is to be experienced to be understood. Unstructured here, really means unstructured. What we make, is what happens.

I’m back, empowered with my new understanding, and a direction to make my own emotional life more satisfying for me as a person. I see slightly better, how my words and actions impact myself and the relationships I have with people. I have an idea on what I can explore to discover myself more.

I dare say, that this is one journey that cannot have an end and I have a hunch that this is one journey which could be one of the most important initiatives I have made in my life.

For the curious, you can check out the ISABS website, and see if there is something near you that you can experience for yourself. For those who are into people professions, in search of more meaningful existences, or simply on a curve for self-development, this is one experience I recommend from the bottom of my heart.

I had wanted to attend some behavioural training workshops to further my understanding of human behaviour and its impact on ourselves and others we interact with. I finally got my opportunity to satisfy this urge when I attended the Basic Lab on Human Processes by the Indian Society for Applied Behavioural Sciences.

To say that this was an eye opener is an understatement and probably not agreed by all members too. This lab was unlike any other lab I had ever attended. No structure, no agenda, only 5 days of time to explore our own selves, our motivations, emotions, our actions and the impact they have on ourselves and the ones we interact with.

Many of us went home wondering why they came in the first place. Others were of the opinion that some structure would have speeded up our initiation into learning to spot nuances in our interactions. On the contrary, I was delighted. This was the first time, I had plenty of time to observe normal human interactions and the ways in which we motivate ourselves into setting goals and working toward them.

The unhurried pace also meant that I could spend as much time as I liked pondering over these observations, and deriving new insights from them over time. We also learnt to deal with any issues that came up in our observations and to formulate strategies to achieve goals that required extensive and sustained effort. We saw how we form relationships and what they mean to us, as well as the impact of our behaviour on them.
On the whole, this is a journey of discovery I’d like to continue throughout life, and i see myself a changed person from this experience. My work with people is benifitting directly from my improving awareness and I am now making a habit of being in “observation mode” consciously when I come across new situations and people.