Footprints on the Mountainside

In a mood for mischief. Was looking around at various sites and blogs. The Mumbai Hikers Blog, Lonely Planet, wikitravel.org, Trekshitiz, Treks N Rapids…. and I was wondering what do I write on my blog. This is what came up - my intense need to know.

What is it in the outdoors and adventure travel that calls to people? Honestly there is mud, mosquitoes, snakes and other creeps. There are no easy lifts and clean beds. Food and cooking is primitive. We exhaust ourselves climbing a mountain and risk life and limb to come down again. So why?

Why is the world so passionate about (to quote some inquiry emails I get) weekend gateways, hicking, treasure hunt riddles clues, rapling, climbhing and so many other things that they don’t even know how to spell? What about those things tempts them? What makes them leave their warm and cozy homes in pursuit of strange hardships with even stranger people? Read more… »

I don’t know if this can really be called road rage, but something happened today, that got me concerned about how we act….

I was travelling to Powai from Borivli in  rickshaw for a session by Sankar on learning styles (that’s another post). I enjoy interacting with different people, and I was chatting happily with the rickshaw driver, when a motorcycle zipped past and overtook us from the wrong side. As the car in front of us slowed (for reasons unknown), the driver braked in panic, and this poor motorcycle guy was hit by our rickshaw.

I am not aware of the exact sequence of happenings, but it was abundantly clear that the guy lying flat on the road was suffering the consequences of his own “reckless driving”. The rickshaw driver and I got out of the rick as the guy struggled to disentangle himself from the bike. Thanks to the crawling pace of Mumbai’s traffic and the additional braking spree that happened just before he was hit, he was relatively unhurt except for a very bad scrape that was bellding quite heavily on his left forearm and  the matching side of his trousers damaged beyond repair. I’d call it getting off scot free compared with what could have happened.

Seeing the guy bleeding, I stepped forward to see if I could help, but my driver reached him first, and it was then I realized that the two of us had come out for different reasons. The driver collared this biker and hauled him to his feet and was just about to beat him up, when I interrupted him.

“Boss roko!!! Ise maar kyun rahe ho?” I asked - Boss, wait!!! Why are you hitting him?

“Madam, aapne dekha nahi, kaisi gaadi chala raha tha? Accident kota to?” he replied - madam, didn’t you see how he was driving? What if there had been an accident?

“Accident to hua. Galati uski thi, par bhugat bhi wohi raha hai. AAP use kyon maar rahe ho? Use pehlehi chot lagi hai.” I said - The accident did happen. It was his fault, and he is suffering the consequences. You or your vehicle or passenger suffered no damage. Why are you hitting him? He is already injured.”

The driver stared at me in amazement. It was clear from his expression that he honestly had no clue why he was hitting the guy beyond that that “it was what was supposed to happen” - in Mumbai, mobs sometimes bash up the offender when reckless driving endangers lives. Worse, my tone with him was also not that of anger… which was the standard tone of the innocent party after an accident…. I was sounding merely curious. He had no clue how to proceed in such a situation.

The cowering biker who was mumbling “sorry…. sorry” looked at me in equal amazement. It didn’t really fit his framework of “public behaviour” to be shown concern when he had caused an accident. His entire body language spoke of the acceptance that he was going to be beaten up.

I stood there, wondering what was wrong with this world, if people don’t even need to have a reason to hit a person who is already injured. I could see how shaken the poor chap was, and didn’t see the point moving his attention from the magnitude of his consequences toward being defensive in some conflict. Plus, how would hitting him add any value to what was happening? He had experienced the consequences of rash driving first hand, and I doubt if he needed anything explained at that point. What he did need was first-aid.

Such incidents happen in our lives daily. Be it aggressive people in buses, or riots after taking offense. I really see no meaning to this behaviour, except a declaration of a total lack of caring for the people around us.

Once, I got into a train to get off at Borivli. It was a Virar train. For those unfamiliar with Mumbai, Virar is further than Borivli, has fewer trains which are invariably crowded, and their passengers tend to be hostile to passengers who could use more frequent trains using these unnecessarily. It being a holiday and all, I thought it wouldn’t matter, and the train seemed to have space. This is the ladies compartment.

As I neared the door when Borivli came closer, one of the women grabbed my arm and pulled me back roughly. I asked her to let go, and she returned abuse. Her point was that I need to be punished for using that train. Standard punishment is that the person is not allowed to get off the train until Borivli is crossed, which gives the offender an experience of the inconvenience of the train frequency and a fear/understanding of the situation for further reference.

I do respect and fully appreciate the difficulties these people go through, but I didn’t see how this mattered in a train with plenty of space on it (by Mumbai standards). When this woman tried to manhandle me, I broke out of her hold, and simply pushed her away from me. I look deceptively tiny, and this woman was a heavy weight, but I have a whole load of pushing experience from 7 years of grooming and working with horses. She was lighter than a horse, she moved very easily, which put her off getting physical with me, and she satisfied her “outrage” by screaming abuse at me for the next 5 minutes till I got off.

Other women around rolled their eyes and made faces - all regulars on the same train. This woman stood there sweating and looking so unreasonably angry that she looked insane. She refused to respond to anything I or the other women said and just spewed hatred. That’s how I remember her as the train pulled out of the station…… sweating, red in the face, screaming abuse, and dressed like a middle class conservative woman…. I just wondered how frustrating her life must be, if she needed strangers to vent on…. travelling for about 3-4 hours everyday just to reach work and back…… I couldn’t find anger in me for her…. I was concerned.

Where does this anger come from? Why do we care so little about the people in out world?

I came across a discussion on how to “deal with” a woman who wears revealing clothes in an office with no stated dress code.

The discussion runs into some 24 pages with not a single HR professional seeing the woman as anything less than a problem to be dealt with and lengthy ways of dealing with it ranging from firing her to emailing a dress code to all staff, etc.

What I see happening, is that the entire community needs to immediately get this woman into the “acceptable” (for them) one way or the other. Few people bothered to ask if this woman is indeed productive, collaborative and otherwise functional.

Not a single person expressed acceptance for this girl.

If this is the state of HR, how to we expect employees to respect women beyond their looks?

I see an unconscious process in this community, which I suspect is also happening in our society. People just can’t get over their own jealousies or lust when faced with an attractive person to see the person as a whole. Somehow, they need to drag that person to an “ordinary” level. What that person feels doesn’t matter, because they are not even looking at her feelings here.

Whatever happened to HR being available for all employees and not just the ones they choose to support? If the position is to be used as ammunition to defend what we like and attack what we don’t, it is no surprise that one of the members stated “But some time HR have to be rude , thats a reason why 75 % employee are
not happy with their HR [ Because we force them to behave in a
particular way ].”

Like I posted there, no one HAS TO be rude. Rudeness happens on its own, when we stop caring about and respecting the person we are speaking with.

People are not idiots. They can sense when a person doesn’t care about them, but still disapproves of them and has rules they should obey. Really, do you like people who don’t care about you, but know what is right for you?

The sad part of this is that it seems to be an accepted part of being HR. How can an HR department be functional, if the H of it doesn’t like them? Yet, advice seems to be that to not worry about being rude and “just deal with the woman”.

I’d like to share my posts there over here:

Hi,

Even though your organization has no stated norms about clothes, from
your post, there seems to be an unsaid norm about the same, or you (and
others) wouldn’t be bothered by what she wears.

No one in the office (including that girl) is fool enough to believe
that an email sent to all on this subject really applies to all, if
that new girl is such a sensation, and it would only serve as a public
reprimand that came out of the blue, and thus humiliating for her.
Plus, if you mean it for her, why pretend its for all?

If I were in your place, I would go about things like thus.

First, I would meet with the girl privately. I would explain the dilemma I was caught in. On one hand, I respect her individuality and choice to wear whatever she thinks she should. On the other hand, as a person in HR, facilitating an atmosphere that’s conducive to harmony is my responsibility.

I would explain how I see the impact of her attire (without allocating ANY blame ANYWHERE):

• Women
  staff show discomfort in her presence - this could and probably IS
  leading to her being looked upon with envy or disapproval, and will
  impact her working relationships in the office and impact productivity
  negatively.
• Men seem to be attracted. This could have an
  impact in terms of being seen as too inviting by the opposite gender
  and thus not taken seriously, which would again impact performance when
  it came to the value of her contributions - would men be considering
  her capability (would they even notice it amid the decoration)?

This
would lead to working interactions based on a stereotype of her that
has nothing to do with how she actually works. That troubles me, both
for her, as well as the well being of us as a group. On a
personal level, I have little experience, and thus comfort with such
clothes, and I find it a little awkward (feel shy) and can’t get over
them to see her, as a whole person, which I would like to.

I would ask her for help on this matter, as I would prefer it for
myself, for her and the group if personal clothing wouldn’t be a matter
for an official rule to be laid down.

Then, if she agrees to help, I would simply trust her, and see what
happens for the next week or so. If she doesn’t agree, OR if she
doesn’t present herself suitably, I would call a staff meeting and
share that I had observed that there was an unsaid norm about clothes,
though there was none officially, and would explain how I see the
situation currently.

I would explain my bottom line that we keep the norm, or it goes, I
couldn’t care less, but we make it clear what happens to it. So either
we throw away the norm, in which case I expect the members of the staff
to quit flaunting either their disapproval, or their drooling, or we could state it clearly and define what constituted appropriate clothing which everyone would be expected to follow.

They KEY DIFFICULTY in this issue is not dealing with the girl, but
keeping our own value judgments away from our facilitation of the
situation. As an authority role, we are expected to be available to all, not just the ones on whose “side” we are. I say this specifically, because I sensed you being on the “side” of the women.

The clothes are the woman’s responsibility, but the responses and reactions belong to all and not just her.

I am very concerned at the state of HR in
our community, where judgments are passed so easily, and there is no
sensitivity for the girl.

I believe that as HR, we are available to all people and not just the ones we choose to support and attack the ones we don’t.

With recommendations of:

• “Shock
  treatment” - are we not laying a role model for women to be looked as
  objects in a derogatory manner? And why shouldn’t the girl sue you for
  those comments - just because you’re in the mood to play Freud?
• By
  laying down rules for the entire staff, are we not imposing our sense
  of “right and wrong” on them? What makes us so certain that everyone
  indeed has an issue with what we see an issue with?
• How many
  people here have exhibited understanding and enabling support for the
  girl? Is she not a member of the staff that you provide an HR function
  to?

Sensitivity and caring seems to be a value long lost
among members in their superiority and judgments on who is right and
wrong and power plays on how they should be “dealt with”

Some pages back Shaival hit the nail on the head, without really understanding what she said “But
some time HR have to be rude , thats a reason why 75 % employee are not
happy with their HR [ Because we force them to behave in a particular
way ].”

No one has to be rude. We become rude when we stop caring about the
person we are speaking with. Even if employees can’t state it as
clearly as this, they can sense it, and really, who likes someone who
doesn’t respect them? Do you? Do you like someone who doesn’t really
care about you, but claims to know what is best for you and then goes
ahead and imposes it on you? If 75% employees are not happy with their
HR, isn’t it high time HR used this feedback to re-create themselves to
be more functional?

I’m sorry to say that I am utterly disgusted.