Footprints on the Mountainside

I came across a discussion on how to “deal with” a woman who wears revealing clothes in an office with no stated dress code.

The discussion runs into some 24 pages with not a single HR professional seeing the woman as anything less than a problem to be dealt with and lengthy ways of dealing with it ranging from firing her to emailing a dress code to all staff, etc.

What I see happening, is that the entire community needs to immediately get this woman into the “acceptable” (for them) one way or the other. Few people bothered to ask if this woman is indeed productive, collaborative and otherwise functional.

Not a single person expressed acceptance for this girl.

If this is the state of HR, how to we expect employees to respect women beyond their looks?

I see an unconscious process in this community, which I suspect is also happening in our society. People just can’t get over their own jealousies or lust when faced with an attractive person to see the person as a whole. Somehow, they need to drag that person to an “ordinary” level. What that person feels doesn’t matter, because they are not even looking at her feelings here.

Whatever happened to HR being available for all employees and not just the ones they choose to support? If the position is to be used as ammunition to defend what we like and attack what we don’t, it is no surprise that one of the members stated “But some time HR have to be rude , thats a reason why 75 % employee are
not happy with their HR [ Because we force them to behave in a
particular way ].”

Like I posted there, no one HAS TO be rude. Rudeness happens on its own, when we stop caring about and respecting the person we are speaking with.

People are not idiots. They can sense when a person doesn’t care about them, but still disapproves of them and has rules they should obey. Really, do you like people who don’t care about you, but know what is right for you?

The sad part of this is that it seems to be an accepted part of being HR. How can an HR department be functional, if the H of it doesn’t like them? Yet, advice seems to be that to not worry about being rude and “just deal with the woman”.

I’d like to share my posts there over here:

Hi,

Even though your organization has no stated norms about clothes, from
your post, there seems to be an unsaid norm about the same, or you (and
others) wouldn’t be bothered by what she wears.

No one in the office (including that girl) is fool enough to believe
that an email sent to all on this subject really applies to all, if
that new girl is such a sensation, and it would only serve as a public
reprimand that came out of the blue, and thus humiliating for her.
Plus, if you mean it for her, why pretend its for all?

If I were in your place, I would go about things like thus.

First, I would meet with the girl privately. I would explain the dilemma I was caught in. On one hand, I respect her individuality and choice to wear whatever she thinks she should. On the other hand, as a person in HR, facilitating an atmosphere that’s conducive to harmony is my responsibility.

I would explain how I see the impact of her attire (without allocating ANY blame ANYWHERE):

• Women
  staff show discomfort in her presence - this could and probably IS
  leading to her being looked upon with envy or disapproval, and will
  impact her working relationships in the office and impact productivity
  negatively.
• Men seem to be attracted. This could have an
  impact in terms of being seen as too inviting by the opposite gender
  and thus not taken seriously, which would again impact performance when
  it came to the value of her contributions - would men be considering
  her capability (would they even notice it amid the decoration)?

This
would lead to working interactions based on a stereotype of her that
has nothing to do with how she actually works. That troubles me, both
for her, as well as the well being of us as a group. On a
personal level, I have little experience, and thus comfort with such
clothes, and I find it a little awkward (feel shy) and can’t get over
them to see her, as a whole person, which I would like to.

I would ask her for help on this matter, as I would prefer it for
myself, for her and the group if personal clothing wouldn’t be a matter
for an official rule to be laid down.

Then, if she agrees to help, I would simply trust her, and see what
happens for the next week or so. If she doesn’t agree, OR if she
doesn’t present herself suitably, I would call a staff meeting and
share that I had observed that there was an unsaid norm about clothes,
though there was none officially, and would explain how I see the
situation currently.

I would explain my bottom line that we keep the norm, or it goes, I
couldn’t care less, but we make it clear what happens to it. So either
we throw away the norm, in which case I expect the members of the staff
to quit flaunting either their disapproval, or their drooling, or we could state it clearly and define what constituted appropriate clothing which everyone would be expected to follow.

They KEY DIFFICULTY in this issue is not dealing with the girl, but
keeping our own value judgments away from our facilitation of the
situation. As an authority role, we are expected to be available to all, not just the ones on whose “side” we are. I say this specifically, because I sensed you being on the “side” of the women.

The clothes are the woman’s responsibility, but the responses and reactions belong to all and not just her.

I am very concerned at the state of HR in
our community, where judgments are passed so easily, and there is no
sensitivity for the girl.

I believe that as HR, we are available to all people and not just the ones we choose to support and attack the ones we don’t.

With recommendations of:

• “Shock
  treatment” - are we not laying a role model for women to be looked as
  objects in a derogatory manner? And why shouldn’t the girl sue you for
  those comments - just because you’re in the mood to play Freud?
• By
  laying down rules for the entire staff, are we not imposing our sense
  of “right and wrong” on them? What makes us so certain that everyone
  indeed has an issue with what we see an issue with?
• How many
  people here have exhibited understanding and enabling support for the
  girl? Is she not a member of the staff that you provide an HR function
  to?

Sensitivity and caring seems to be a value long lost
among members in their superiority and judgments on who is right and
wrong and power plays on how they should be “dealt with”

Some pages back Shaival hit the nail on the head, without really understanding what she said “But
some time HR have to be rude , thats a reason why 75 % employee are not
happy with their HR [ Because we force them to behave in a particular
way ].”

No one has to be rude. We become rude when we stop caring about the
person we are speaking with. Even if employees can’t state it as
clearly as this, they can sense it, and really, who likes someone who
doesn’t respect them? Do you? Do you like someone who doesn’t really
care about you, but claims to know what is best for you and then goes
ahead and imposes it on you? If 75% employees are not happy with their
HR, isn’t it high time HR used this feedback to re-create themselves to
be more functional?

I’m sorry to say that I am utterly disgusted.

This post could be considered the ultimate guide to professional excellence, or any relationship for that matter. Why do I call professional excellence a relationship? Because it is. What you do, is important, but it is how people see it that matters - that’s how it is about relationship.

1. Get over your obsession with presenting perfection already. For one, it is too open to interpretation, and thus too vague in terms of what needs to be done. Instead, get obsessed with initiative. Attempts to be perfect block most of our initiative and leave us anxious. Learn to accept that you are doing what you think is best, and if it doesn’t turn out to be so, you then know that for sure, rather than imagining consequences and fearing them. <— this is not as easy as it sounds.
2. Embrace the goals you have committed to. This means, don’t take the lazy man’s way just because what seems best looks tough. Doesn’t matter if it is finding the strength to run an extra mile for your weight loss goal, or doing extra research to bring in thought provoking perspectives for that corporate presentation. It is about adopting the goal in your heart, and making the effort to stand by it through tough terrain.
3. Don’t panic. It is those who try who fail, or succeed. Know that you have tried, and respect yourself for it, even if things fail, because failures when accepted and learned from bring great strength and sure knowledge of what to avoid.
4. Acknowledge the people you are with. This doesn’t mean mindless agreement. It is simply acknowledging that they see things in a certain way, or feel strongly about certain things, regardless of whether you agree or don’t. Accept that they have their own stands which are as valid for them, as they are for you.
5. Throw those approvals and disapprovals out. They do more harm than good, because you end up constantly judging people rather than understanding them.
6. Standing up in the face of all for what you believe in takes courage, but is counter-productive, if it means that you end up deciding for everyone (or attempting to). It helps to present your stand on it, and your feelings about it. “Let us throw away the current policy on tea breaks - people are getting lazy” may not be as effective as “I see the tea breaks disrupting our schedule, and few of us seem to want tea at that time. Can we re-look at them and see if we can come up with something that suits us better? I suggest….”
7. Contribute, don’t dictate.
8. Don’t just agree, act. Agreement is passivity. Action is what causes positive change.
9. Try and be sensitive to the state of being of the person you are with. A colleague who looks harassed has a concern you could perhaps help him with, rather than as him to review your latest invention.
10. Blame alienates and frustrates - even blaming yourself. Learn to see the person as a whole that is much more than a specific action.

Not as simple as it looks.

This is a memory from a long time ago. Way before I figred out the internet beyond checking mail.

I was living in the high pastures with my herd of horses. The winter had been rough, and I was just camping out in the high altitude pastures where we leave them for the summers, supplementing their diet with some grain, to help them catch on on their health a bit faster.

The days were pretty idle. Feeding the horses a couple of times a day was
no pain - they used to come happily enough for the treat. Beyond that…. not much to do. Cooking, enjoying the paradise I was living in, early to bed, early to rise.

Occupation came in an unexpected way. A gaddi camp was passing by, planning to camp a little higher than the pasture we were in. I recognised the shepherd, and invited him for a cup of tea. When he saw me, he decided to camp near our camp itself.

Over a cup of tea, I realized why.

A filly of his, had been attacked by a bear a week ago, and had been hurt badly. Originally, believing that she would die anyway, he hadn’t taken her to a vet. But she hadn’t yet died. She was in a bad way, with her wounds infected, and was struggling to keep up with the moving camp, to follow her mother. This was creating a problem, as the mare used to keep waiting for her, and slowing the caravan.

I had already gained a solid reputation as an animal lover, and my animals were often a point of interet for local livestock owners for the glowing condition I used to maintain them in. Plus, I was gaining a reputation as an enthusiastic “onofficial vet” from the knowledge of animal medicine I used to gather for the well-being of my horses in a land where vets were not easily available, and often very far from the place of need.

He wanted me to take a llook at the filly and see if there was any hope
for her, as well as see if she could be put down, if there wasn’t. I refused flat out to put her down, as I am not of the opinion that animals should be killed when they are fighting to recover. Plus I lacked the kind of knowledge and equipment it would take to put her down. I agreed to take a look and see what I could do for her.

We went out into the pasture and unloaded his horses to set up camp and then look for the filly. She was in a bad way. She was sleeping, exhausted at the end of the pasture without even coming to join the herd, once she saw that they had halted.

We got her up and brought her up to my tent and tied her in front of it. I started to take a goot look at her and see what it was that I was up against.

She was a beautiful, black filly. Three months old. lovely body structure - she would have made a fine mare when she grew up, if she survived this scenario. Her rump and neck was covered with deep gashes from the bear’s claws, and a week of neglect had allowed infection to settle in. Most of the gashes had developed pus, and a couple had maggots in them. My whole being recoiled at the thought of having to clean up this mess.

If I had to save this filly, I had to do it, no matter how repulsive it was. I felt a surge of anger at the shepherd for neglecting her treatment like that, and vented my fury in choice words, yelling at him and his wife for being callous to the very animals that made their livelihood possible.

The filly stood there shivering from the early morning air and her exhaustion.

I made the couple promise to rest in the pasture for at least a week, before I would touch the filly - it was pointless to begin something, if it wouldn’t be sustained. As an incentive, I praised the quality of
the filly, and asserted that she would become a very valuable animal and bring him good money and work very well, if she was helped to recover. This seemed to strike a note of interest.

I had some anitbiotic injections in my animal first-aid kit. I gave her a shot. She hardly noticed. Then I knew, that I had to get over my nausea and actually deal with those wounds, and took a look at my medical supplies. They were minimal. The anti-septic I had, would hardly deal with half the wounds she had before running out. The same with the creams. Now what? I shoved the supplies back into my sack, and kept only the bottle of phenyl. The rest would have to be home remidies (which was what I preferred in any case).

I made a strong solution of tea in a huge pot and used that to clean the wounds. Yes, I just plunged in, and cleaned them all thoroughly, pus, maggots and all, till the flesh showed clean. Some of the deeper wounds still harboured maggots - of that, I was sure, so I used some gauze soaked in phenyle on them to dress them. On the rest, I applied a light film of honey and stuffed them full with crushed garlic.

All done, I walked away from the tent area and puked.

The evening saw a repeat performance. On the next day, the maggot wounds were clean too, and they received the honey and garlic treatment, and by that evening, some of the lighter cuts had begun to heal, and the filly was acting more interested in life, and giving me trouble to catch for treatment But she seemed to understand that I was trying to help, so she flinched and nudged with her nose, if it hurt, but never tried to kick at me or hurt me in any way.

After that, I taught the couple how to do what I was doing, and told them that they would have to repeat this till ALL the wounds were healed, and that the filly could probably begin walking in a day or two.

They seemed to have got the point, and the two days were uneventful - so to say (not counting one of my fillies who seemed to be jealous of all the
attention this one was getting)

The time was up, and the gaddi camp moved on, and the filly became another memory, until a few years later, when I ran across the same gaddi again. There was a beautiful mare in his herd - the one I had treated. I recognised her instantly
and was happy for her. The couple put camp once more, to spend some time with me, and that evening, I was invited to a special dinner, where they thanked me with tears in their eyes for saving their beautiful mare.

Their animals also looked better cared for, since the last time. I was happy, that things had worked out well, and that they had developed some love and concern for the living factors in their “business”

Its Ganesh Chaturthi time. This is big happenings near Mumbai and Pune. Everybody and his cousin will install a Ganesh idol in their home on Ganesh Chaturthi and keep it in their homes for worship for durations varying from a day and a half to 21 days. At the end of whatever duration has been selected, the idols are immersed into the sea/river/other water bodies.

It is a time of great worship and cultural value. Hindus believe it to be an honour (to themselves?) to host the God in their home. Even if you don’t follow this practice, you can’t remain unaffected. You will be invited to go and pay your respects in the homes of those you know. A time of meeting people and great joy.

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I had gone to an organic farm at Bhadsavale in Neral on the 11th and 12th to conduct a training programme for the students of SIES college - Matunga. I had conducted similar programmes for them last year, and this was now a somewhat established training practice they were trying to adopt in the place of the industrial visits that are mandatory for the students.

The students were excited to be visiting a real organic farm that was well maintained and catered ot their basic comfort requirements, so that they could really enjoy what they were getting into. The completely unexpected nature of the trip was an added bonus.

Out reasoning behind this tour was that while education provides the students with knowledge related with the subjects they have chosen, it does precious little to empower them with the crucial personal and inter-personal skills that are so vital in flourishing in the careers that their mark sheets help them enter. In many orientation and induction programmes for corporates, the biggest challenge for the new professionals seems to be adapting to this world of self-responsibility and accountability. Outbound training programmes are often designed for recruits to help them get into the flow of professional life faster. What if such programmes could be introduced as a part of education and preparation for a professional life? We feel that they would allow the students to get into action much faster at work, while improving on their capabilities and potential for learning even in their educational lives, by helping keep the focus firmly on the applicability and goal of their education.

Of course, such programmes cannot be conducted completely to compare with corporate programmes, as a lot of the sense of responsibility and stake in performing well only comes after an experience of a working environment. However, many other factors can be addressed well and enjoyably - not so much in terms of absolute perfection, but creating an understanding of individual status in terms of capability as well as an awareness of the need to consciously attend to the development of soft-skills. Such personal “targets” often include communication, planning, execution, co-operation, co-ordination, being oranized, ownership of responsibility, listening skills, etc.

These two days with the SIES batches went well. The first day was students from the banking and insurance batch, and the other day was accounts and finance. Young, enthusiastic and well motivated participants on the whole. The crunch came with the discipline. Not the end of the world, but yes, the levels of discipline were low enough to cause the participants real problems in their performances in the activity. But the good part is that they started improving almost immediately to adapt to the situations in question.

On the whole, the group was led very strongly by some individuals, while the others followed in a herd. Reminded me of the good old days in college, where being part of a group was far more important than being individual. Its a tough balance to strike. It creates very predictable problems in terms of poor planning, as there is no opposition to ideas that forces refinement.

The communication was pretty good all through, as were motivation levels, talent and innovation. This was one group that could have been outstanding had they managed to get themselves organised and focussed on the goal, rather than the “herd”. Planning, discipline, and assertiveness on an individual level, could have seen some remarkable acheivements.

But then, I’m expecting beyond what exists as usual. As student groups go, this one was quite good. In the world of experiential learning, no matter how good one is, there is always room for improvement, and no matter how terrible one is, there are always some strengths, so feedback is always going to throw up new directions. The trick lies in keeping what we want, and changing what is not working.