Footprints on the Mountainside

There is a dog in our building. He was hurt last week. Quite badly. I tried to help him, but he wouldn’t let me come near. He usually doesn’t allow anyone to come close. He’s a stray.

I called up the folks at Karuna last Friday, after trying for two days unsuccessfully. I was told that they were overloaded with requests and the van couldn’t come before Monday. I waited.

The van came on Monday night. The dog wouldn’t come close and couldn’t be cornered and caught, so the folks had to return. They came again at my request today, and I’m just back after a second unsuccessful round of catch-the-dog.

I feel so angry with the poor dog. After seeing me for over a year, he still doesn’t trust me to come to his aid. Actually, I don’t blame him. A street dog’s life is probably not a honeymoon, but still……

The Karuna guys have seen it all many times. They just asked me to make a fresh request and they could come again on the next day.

For those who don’t know what Karuna is, its an NGO committed to the animal welfare in Mumbai. If you find a horse, dog, bird, cow…. any animal that needs medical attention, or intervention, feel free to bring it to their attention, and they may be overworked, but htey will certainly come. If you have some money to spare, you might also consider donating, so that their overworked service can be extended to come to the aid of many more animals that need it.

As far as I know, they don’t have a website, but you can call them on these numbers (below) to request for services, or express your appreciation for the work they do. God knows we need people like them around. Their staff is working from early in the morning to very late at night, constantly attending to the needs of animals. You make a request, and their ambulance will come around - completely free of cost to help the animal. They care. You can see it in their actions, in their untiring efforts, and their willingness to go the extra mile to hunt for the street dog that suddenly went missing when they arrived to treat it, or even bringing their team of people to help catch it.

Do keep them in mind and keep these numbers safe for the sake of any animal you could end up helping without doing much more than a phone call:

28763856, 28761313

Please keep in mind that for every request, they will need the contact of a person in the area, who can identify the animal and be there with them when they arrive. So if you’re calling about an animal on the highway, it might be worthwhile to speak with a local shop or something and provide their contact, unless you intend to camp there until they arrive.

You can also call them for pets. They don’t charge any money, so don’t hesitate, just be there for an animal that needs it.

Well… our dog needs to wait some more I guess, but another very injured bitch came to notice just as they were leaving and they went there and treated her. So the trip was not a wasted exercise.

For those who don’t know, ISABS (Indian Society for Applied Behavioural Sciences) is a fantastic place for those inclined to dig deeper into their minds. My journey with ISABS began in August ‘06, when I did my Basic Lab in Human Processes or BLHP with them. This was now ALHP.

The T-groups are an unnerving experience the first time. No agenda, no nothing. Take each moment as it comes, and begin your own journey into yourself.

My BLHP was an insight. It went pretty easy, considering that I’ve got lots I hide. Apparently I was pretty transparent as well. Not so this time.

As I explored my emotions and motivations deeper, I was faced with the full wonder of what makes ISABS so great. Everyone I was with was here to face themselves, and the laboratory was indeed a laboratory, where I could examine myself and the people I was with to my hearts content, express what I was going through, and trust that we all were on the same boat.

Admitting our nicer emotions is easy, and it came easily to me, but facing areas of myself, that were not so nice, was not just difficult, but I have a feeling that I wouldn’t have been able to ever see myself from so close, if it weren’t for the “safety” of our group. This gave me an opportunity to see myself far more clearly, and examine my needs and motivations behind the parts of me that I found appealing, so that I could actually address them and experiment with the options I had, in the supportive environment of my group.

For those who have no clue on what this is all about, I can only say that there is no real way to describe it. There is so much that goes on inside us, and on levels that are emotional and non-verbal, that it is to be experienced to be understood. Unstructured here, really means unstructured. What we make, is what happens.

I’m back, empowered with my new understanding, and a direction to make my own emotional life more satisfying for me as a person. I see slightly better, how my words and actions impact myself and the relationships I have with people. I have an idea on what I can explore to discover myself more.

I dare say, that this is one journey that cannot have an end and I have a hunch that this is one journey which could be one of the most important initiatives I have made in my life.

For the curious, you can check out the ISABS website, and see if there is something near you that you can experience for yourself. For those who are into people professions, in search of more meaningful existences, or simply on a curve for self-development, this is one experience I recommend from the bottom of my heart.

I am planning to conduct some outdoor experiential learning programmes specially for couples this year. I saw a need, when I caught an angry exchange between a husband and wife there the wife accused the husband of neglecting her in favour of his friends, and the husband claimed that she just wasn’t “on the same frequency”.

This is very similar to problems we see in corporate and other training programmes, yet, there is hardly anything that targets such an important intimate relationship in terms of facilitating harmony. The more i thought on this exchange, the more I was convinced that it is definitely worthwhile to invest time in ensuring quality relationships with our spouses.

To plan for the programme, which by now was inevitable (in my mind), I decided to focus on common areas of difficulty in husband-wife relationships, so that they could allow me a framework to plan my programmes around. Here is a list of what I see as the cheif hurdles to harmoniour co-existence in couples.

1. Great expectations of an ideal: These are actually stereotypes. Their chief problem is their unrealstic nature. Those ideals are not based on the person they are applied to and therefore are often seen as accusations when lack is expressed. This includes everyday things like “You should keep the house tidy” or exotic ones like “If you loved me, you would…..” The bottom line is that we can expect something from people, but expecting from concepts is always going to create fitting problems when we attempt to apply them to real people. It would be far better to expect from a person, and be willing to make an investment of personal effort to come half way. eg. “I think that if we work together, the house can be tidied quite easily” and then proceed to walk your talk.
2. Immersion in “roles”: When people start playing and seeing the role, more than the person. When Anna becomes “my wife” more often than Anna the person. This kind of brings a certain anonymity to feelings. You may feel anything about Anna, but as your wife, this is what you think of her. The problem with this is that if you do it often enough, poor Anna has no way of knowing if you even think of her any more, or is she only a wife now? How many of us honestly make continuing efforts to keep discovering new interests and experiences our spouses collect? Do we really love some person who is now obsolete and is replaced by someone with different interests and more experience than we think?
3. Taking for granted: Small things that attracted the couple together start becoming the background music, and the search is on, for a “spark of novelty”. The whimsical nature that once charmed, is now the usual when it does something outstanding, and the ultimate carelessness when it fails. The effort to find novel details in what we find charming is often replaced by an effort to find something altogether different. Well….. common sense tells me, if I have an apple, I can look forward to its taste, its smell, some apple cider, an apple tree….. and so on. There is a problem, if I hold an apple and search for the scent of citrus, while ignoring the apple smell, because its always there.
4. Lack of creative expression: This is when efforts to convey a point stop considering it worthwhile to explore ways of communicating that will lead to maximum acceptance or an effort to make them interesting. Facts stated, and to hell with how they are perceived. What happened to the time, when you even dressed to tempt, and paid attention to everything you did and said, to please and gain acceptance. Why expect the fascination the efforts earned for you, if those efforts are now absent? It was a result of what you did. You do it again, and you’ll see the results again.
5. Insufficient communication: Very often, small irritations are not addressed until they become big issues. Small things are easier to deal with, than greater things. It is far more easy to say “Please call if you’re going to be late” than reach a position where you need to say “You never care that there is someone waiting for you at home”. It is a worthwhile initiative in terms of hurt for both. I may not realise that I am doing something that hurts you, but if you point it out and I see that it hurts you, I am unlikely to want to do it regardless of what you feel. But if I am in the habit of doing something that turns out to be something that has been hurting you for a long time, I am likely to feel left out that you didn’t feel close enough to tell me so, until you were forced by circumstances.
6. Auto-pilot: The married life becomes the launch pad for “real life”, where the married life ceases to be a significant facet of life and is simply consigned to “situation”. Well…. situation it is. However, this simplification overlooks that it is a situation you want. Overlook it often enough, and it will cease to matter. If the home is consistently considered to be a “non-happening” place of stability, it does help by making us more stable and balanced in our interactions with the world. But this source of stability also needs updates, if it is to work as planned. You cannot take a snapshot and hide behind it until eternity. For the home to truly bring that balance into our lives, we need to be alert to the stuff happening inside it. To see what is not working, to figure it out, to keep relationships fresh and involved, so that they are close by us. It is not the walls that are the home, it is the people in it and you’re one of them.
7. Independent dreams: Well… dreams are always personal, but when we fail to communicate them with our spouses, until the first concrete action is taken, they suddenly leave the spouses out of the process, and turn them into spectators. In such a situation, i would feel completely left out and considered incapable of being trusted with dreams and plans or of constructive contribution. I would have felt that I was being considered irrelevant to the core wishes of my spouse and that would definitely have hurt me and made me feel unsure of what could turn up later.
8. Acceptance of failure: We wouldn’t dream of accepting that we failed at work and meekly resign. Yet, many couples accept that they failed as a couple and contemplate divorce/seperation. No relationship worth having comes easy. To a certain extent, maybe, but if one has to go beyond that, it takes considerable skill and efforts. Accepting failure is simply admitting that you cannot get along well with someone on a close level. I fail to see how “people change” is applicable to such a great extent in explaining away this failure. Where were you when the people were changing that you couldn’t adapt to it? Professional scenarios change far more frequently, and you don’t even get to live with them. Yet, it is interest that sustains this constant adaptation, and if you cannot sustain interest in a spouse you fell in love with, it is indeed a failure - a failure to take relationships beyond the initial levels. Divorce may seem an easy option, but it doesn’t teach you anything expect “running away worked” and you run the same risk, until you learn to be careful to keep a caring eye on the relationship.
9. Greener pastures: There is a certain ease and novelty in new relationships, that seems far more attainable than sustaining a relationship. The tempting “start with a clean slate” attitude fails to take into consideration, that every relationship will progress to deeper and more difficult levels. One can constantly keep making fresh beginnings that pose less risk, but these willl also bring less stability, until they can be enriched to a certain level. Most relationships I see failing are more out of personal shortcomings than incompatibility, and these problems will haunt the person until he or she learns to deal with them.
10. The evil of compromise: Compromise is an essential aspect of life. It is easy to compromise on smaller things than take hold of ourselves firmly and make the compromises that matter. A compromise that works as a temporary patch to a lasting problem is very tempting to make, but hardly helps in the long run, while a compromise that fixes an issue well is difficult to identify and commit to, because if often brings a sense of “losing” an argument. Quick fix compromises need regular patch ups, while the more difficult ones last longer, but are difficult to make in the first place. It takes a lot of courage to resolve a difficult situation through compromise.

Enough said, I think.

I found this out, in my quest to find out ways people can connect with social awareness issues and do their bit to be aware, spread the awareness and encourage support.

The Peacock Project and MAM Movies are coming together to launch a film project where youth will be invited to create a short film based on a local Mumbai charity organization within a short period of 101 hours. This short film will capture the organization’s mission, their achievements as well as difficulties that they face. The filmmakers will also attempt to capture on film, the heart of the people who are making the organization work and are making a difference in the world.

The goal is - through the medium of stories – to strike a cord within filmmakers to inspire and make films that matter. It also gives the filmmakers and other youths an opportunity to connect with local charities, who have dedicated their lives for the betterment of the society. These films can be used by the charities to create awareness and inspiration among their current and future donors and volunteers.

Some of the 101 Charities they are working with are CRY, PETA, SPCA, MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION, SMILE, HELEN KELLER INSTITUE……

In a society that appreciates films as a medium, the opportunity for the filmmakers to get involved with such issues is indeed bound to have interesting results. Let us all pitch in, and see what we could do to help.

You can help us spread the word among filmmakers who would like to make these films, youth, publications, bloggers, websites from around the world. Because this is a complete grassroot level competition any help with sponsorship is much appreciated.

Contact Information:
Ajesh Shah
9820781666
101 (at) genesisfilmproject.com

It is a confusing image that India has and on all fronts. On one side we have our rich cultural traditions and diversity, on the other, we have orthodox beliefs and discrimination. We are growing as an economy, yet we have too many poor people. We worship the goddesses and we kill the female children.

Quite a paradox, aren’t we?

I started this segment to see if I could share ideas that occur to me with other like minded people. Ideas that make the world a better place, ideas that mean that we quit whining, and move our own bottoms slightly out of our comfort zones to “walk our talk”. Ideas that mean, while we can expect things from our government and politicians, we far outnumber them in terms of capacity for individual effort. All this effort could be put to better use than airing opinions alone.

This first post is likely to be jumbled, since there are too many things I care deeply about, but I guess I need to make a start somewhere and take it from there.

I’d like to mention an interview I saw on Doordarshan, of a man called Prof. Subedar Surve - a writer, teacher and social reformer. This man stayed in my mind for a very long time. I didn’t have the time to see it in great detail, but the gist of it is that this is an old, retired person with highly educated children, well into their respective careers. This man noticed the children on the streets and their lack of education. He started a learning centre for them and applied for funding support from the government. He got a grant. Moving to a different area, he did the same and got a grant again.

Applying this method over and over, he ended up with about 40 of these small education centres that are free of cost for poor children to get a basic education! We are speaking of about 1,200 kids! He noticed that some people were using the school premises to stay in at night, and expanded his programme to include night classes for grown ups.

Definitely old in terms of age, this is one of the most vibrant and youthful personalities I saw in a long time. Chirpy and cheerful, he speaks of the support he got from the government, once he took the initiative. He praised his wife for the unfailing support over the years through some very difficult times. He spoke of some of his stories that got national awards. He spoke of his enthusiasm to take his work further. He spoke in very supportive terms of todays youth that the world sees as “reckless” and thinks that it is a generation growing in a different world from what they know, and they are really very good people at heart, and they are going to take the world to new heights. This is one man who can retire, but not stay out of action. Kudos to him!

Jovial, extremely willing to talk of anything the interviewer requested, he had all of us “youngsters” spell bound and disappointed that the interview got a little abrupt toward the end for want of time. I could have listened to this guy for the whole day.
For all those who sit and speak of what the government should do, what the society needs, and what is the problem with everything, this man is a inspiring example of what can be acheived if we care to put our ideas into action.

May we all WALK OUR TALK