Adventures in India

Over the years of experience working in the outdoors, I have come to a realization that among the hundreds of people genuinely interested in exploring themselves through adventure, there are a significant few who seem to get their satisfaction from making your life miserable. As a professional, I can’t rant at them openly.

I also know that no matter how many clients I come across, this will always be a minority, so I am not going the other way. I am actually creating this pile of tips o­n how you can plan the most terrible adventure experience of all time successfully. Please be warned that you need to be the o­ne in a hundred kind of person to be able to make this work for you.

1. Always expect adventure without effort. If it is an adventure effort provider, they should be able to bring the most incredible adventure into your life without you needing to make any effort at all. The very fact that you pay up and show up is effort enough - isn't it?


2. Wear skirts and saris to rock climbing sessions and file and official complaint because their equipment doesn't "protect your dignity"


3. Throw garbage where ever you go, and insist that their staff cleaning it up should be a part of the service.


4. Book a wildlife tour and refuse to wear insect repellent. Then you get to complain about terrible facilities in the wild that are mosquito infested.


5. Insist o­n wearing heels, as flat soles don't really "suit you". Its your right - after all!


6. Always wear the heaviest pair of jeans you have when you go rafting. Bonus points if you can manage to add a bulky sweater into the bargain.


7. Insist o­n the biggest adventure possible. It is your o­ne chance in the outdoors. if you can't climb the Everest, you're wasting money!


8. Never ever cut your nails when you go climbing. That way, you will be able to see their first-aid responses if you tear o­ne, their stupidity in wanting them cut if you don't, and their refusal to deliver what they promise if they don't allow you to climb without cutting them.. Win - win - win situation!


9. Complain if the rock doesn't grip your shoe well enough to climb successfully to the top.


10. Complain if their programme makes you out of breath - you wanted adventure, not exercise.


11. Insist o­n telephone facilities in the middle of nowhere so that you can call up your mom three times a day.


12. If you're in the Himalaya, you need to prove that the cold doesn't really scare you. Wear the least possible clothing.


13. You also need to prove that altitude doesn't affect you, so climb up as fast as you can, don't bother to acclimatize, and if you run into problems, blame it o­n inadequate medical attendance.


14. Get into stupid problems with full initiative, and never ever co-operate with any help offered - its part of their responsibility to get you back safe.


15. If you come across anything that is not covered in this list, don't forget to complain and let me know about it ;)